Damn those set backs!

I know! I know! It has been awhile!!!! Life has been kicking my behind! But, I keep kicking back, which has caused me to have a bad back. I fell down a flight of stairs at my home a few weeks ago. Yes, it has been painful, but more than that it has been an inconvience!!! It has proven to be a big set back on my weight loss journey! As I've mentioned, I am an emotional eater, this has all been emotional for me. I also have not been able to work out, which is so frustrating.

As I have been going through this I was talking to my counselor, who voiced to me that she was not surprised that I fell nor that I am still fighting headaches and physical issues. When she asked me if I thought I was supper woman who could get over losing the first love of my life (my dad) after 48 years, pushing away my brother after 44 years and walking away from the man I loved for 7 years and I seem to think I can be fine after only a efw short months? Who do I think I am? Hearing it that way I can see the silliness of trying to be "OK" at this point in the journey. When I asked her how I fix it and get past all this, she laughed and said "my dear, you can not control the process!" So, I have given into it. I'm trying to practice the good eating, being patient with myself, incorporating more mediation, prayer and relaxation into my life, journaling, etc.

Again, these are all baby steps and the goal here was never to be skinny in a few months. It was getting to know the me I know is in here. And yes, that includes a skinny me, but it also involves alot more. I have to learn to find the balance of Kathy ..... physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc. That is a bigger process that I thought, but it is also looking to be more rewarding than I thought, when I get to the place where I find ME! The tools I have in place are the tools i need at this point, my family, my friends, my God and my intuition. Baby steps, and some might be backwards, but it's still the journey!

A Small Slide

You start out with such great intentions, your flying high, things are going the way you wanted them to, and then .......... BAM!!!!! You hit an iceberg! So, it goes for diets, life and especially the Titanic.

Why is it that when you feel lousy, sick, down, etc. your hunger pains increase. Is it physiological or physical or both?

OK, so it's not the end of the world, it's not even the end of my journey, it is just that ..... a journey.

In the past week I have not lost any weight, but on the bright side, I have not gained any weight either.

I've been dealing with migraines for the past couple of weeks, and while I'm experiencing an episode I have no real desire to eat, which, believe it or not is just as bad as over eating. Your body needs the full for your metabolism to keep running, and your metabolism running is what eats your fat. So, when you don't feel like eating and your laying in bed for days, metabolism is down for the count! Then, you start to feel a little better, but your weak, physically and mentally, so you eat whatever is in front of you. I have been pretty good about only eating good things that are on my diet, the problem then becomes portion control! So, I eat the chicken and salad, but instead of 6 and 8 ounces, it's a huge bowl of the a chicken salad! I guess I can give myself points for choosing the right foods, but I lose points for eating so much of it!! Like pudding for instance. I can have the sugar free pudding cups, fine, but not 3 cups at once. Some days, it just seems like the Diet God's are against me. But, hey, I fight back!!

And another things, friends Are not always supportive! You go along on you diet by yourself doing fine, then a wonderful friend or friends, invite you for a little socializing, you try not to drink or eat bad foods. You look at the menu for a healthy choice, while you friends start drinking. Well, being the Irish Princess that I am, who can refuse a good beer, just one!!! HA!!!! One leads to 5!!!! Then, you see nothing on the menu that is carb free, so one friend says, just order something and start your diet again tomorrow. Why sure, that sounds like a plan!!! HA! That's like telling an alcoholic "I know you have been sober for a month, but just have one drink and start again tomorrow!" Them let's talk about the next day guilt trip you put your self through! You realize you deserve to wake up the next morning feeling like crap! You body is rebelling, saying, "what did you do to me you big tease! I was working with you here, accepting the no carb, low fat, high protein thing, and then you tease me with the stuff I really love, well, take this!!!" And your body starts to rebel!!! Hence you feel like a nasty truck drive whose been partying all night long! (not that I have anything against truck driver. I'm sure they are very nice people!)

So, now you see the dilemma I find myself in, or maybe you don't. But, I may have lost the fight, but I have not lost the BATTLE!

Nike does a contest every year based on the Biggest Loser, Nike's version is TEAM MELTDOWN. You get a team of 3, sign up, pay an entry fee, have lectures, workout classes, buddies to work out with, etc. It's 3 months long and you're weighted in at the beginning, a couple times in the middle, and at the end. The winner's get a bunch of money and stuff. I did it last year and was going to pass this year. I didn't want to pay to do what I knew I needed to do on my own. But, then a friend signed me up on her team, paid my entry fee, and has now motivated me. So I weight in tomorrow (which maybe this weeks set back will work to my advantage, I'll weight more tomorrow and it will look like I've lost more weight in the end). I think with my friend relying on me I can be more motivated, which I guess contradicts my earlier comment that about friends not being supportive (that comment DOES NOT apply to you either, Chris!!!).

So, here I go ...... again! See ya next week!!!!

3 Steps forward; 1 step back!!!

Well, no one said this was going to be easy. My first HUGE hurdle was this weekend when I went for a get away to the beach! It was chilly and stormy and just called out for alcohol and comfort food. I did fairly good in the morning, had my 2 eggs; 2 bacon and 1 glass of grapefruit juice. I took all my vitamins and Saturday I went for a 2 1/2 mile walk around the docks in the marina and the town, I did get a coffee with fat free hazelnut. Felt good. Saturday afternoon I met a girlfriend for lunch. I had a Caeser Chicken Salad with lite dressing, good I know. BUT THEN ...... I got a beer! Not the end of the world, I know, and I did have that great walk! Saturday night it was a steak and salad. Good again, I know. Sunday, well here is were it goes down hill. I got up, had my good breakfast, went down to the Pub to watch the Cowboy game, because I didn't have cable at the house to watch the game. Stopped and got myself a coffee, but it was a Phoo-Phoo coffee i.e mocha hazelnut latte-medium. I couldn't go into the bar and not drink something!!!! The Cowboys were losing so that lead to a Bloody Mary or two, then Lunch with my girlfriend again, which was a turkey, bacon, guacamole wrap (the wrap is what did it) and a beer. Then, some other girlfriends wanted to meet me at another bar so I started drinking Bayley's there (that's the comfort thing). And another steak and salad dinner. So, it was the drinking that got to me and causes a 2 pound gain today and I blame it on my girlfriends! My girlsfriends are what's making me fat!!!! LOL. Just kidding, it was all my decision making. But the point to learn from this week is socializing can be a huge hurdle. One that needs work in my case. I either need to be stronger, or dump my girlfriends! I'm thinking, get stronger!!!!

One Week Down. Many More To Go!

Well, week one is over and I MADE IT! It was not completely easy. I weighted my self Tuesday and it wasn't pretty! But, ok, it's the start!!! Monday and Tuesday I had bad migraine headaches, Wednesday I was down for the count with flu symptoms and a fever, Thursday I felt better, friday and the weekend I felt GREAT! So, the go away to remember for week one ..... detox sucks, but it's liveable! I kept to the diet and even had some temptations! Nike had two events last week, one was a big Football Party for the BCS National Game on Thursday evening, free food and open bar, and wonderful desserts. I managed to walk through the food line and ended up with a small piece each of chicken, steak and salmon and a small salad on my plate. I managed to go to the bar and walk away with a bottle of water, and I avoided the dessert table all together. I really felt good about that. Friday we had a team meeting and they had food and beer there also. I walked away with celery sticks, a little ranch dressing and a bottle of water! Another good moment! I can't say it was easy, but it sure felt good!!!! I rewarded myself Friday by going by the Employee Store and getting a new workout outfit for me to start that phase this week.

The weekend brought a few other challenges, when I'm home alone, I like to eat. So I did have a few more things to eat than during the week, but they were all very good choices like Sugar Free Jello, low fat cheese sticks. I had so much energy I got so much done around the house and felt so good last night before I went to bed about myself! I can't believe how good I feel about this journey and myself right now!!! I did all my prep work yesterday for this week and it was fun. I made a killer Avocado Zuchini Soup (de-lish!), and baked pork chops smothered with mushrooms (another de-lish!!!) So, I'm ready for week 2, this week will be the same as far as food, but I will now add exercise! Not sure how well that will go, but hey, I will look cute!!!!!

I even mastered yet another challenge. Tom called last week. I could see from the caller ID that it was him. I let it go to voicemail. He left a message that he needed to talk to me and I needed to call him back. I thought long and hard about what it is that he could possibly want to talk to me about. I dreamed that it was him calling to say he was a fool and he made a huge mistake and wanted me back. But, I thought, how real is it that will happen ..... Not Very! So other than that, there was nothing I wanted to hear from him about. NOTHING! And if he thinks one call is going to change this girl's mind, he is even a bigger fool that he may think! The point is, I have come so far and gone through so much and I am now on an incredible wonderful journey, that if someone is going to share my life, he is going to have to one happy healthy guy and support me in all I do! I don't see that person anywhere around .... yet. And frankly, I'm not ready! This journey right now is all about me for a change .... and it feels good!

So here we go for another week. I hope tomorrow's weight in is a good one. It feels like it should be. Now if I could only legally destroy who ever it was that brought in donuts today and put them right outside my office!!! :)

Happy New Year!

HAPPY 2010! Last year ended very well and now, to keep up the positive move forward!! Although, I have to tell you about the rude pick up I had on the flight to Texas. A married navy guy sitting across from me, leaned over and said he loved my (butt)! I know ....YIK!!!! But, the sad part is I had two thoughts, 1) see someone still thinks I'm attractive and 2) how sick is he to think my big (butt) is attractive. Ok, so he was drunk and the only reason I didn't smack him across the face was he is serving our country.

There are so many ways to loose weight, and at one time or another I've tried them all ..... Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, NutraSystem, Metobolic Research Center, Suzanne Summers, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, etc!

What I can say I've learned is that every person is different, so what works for one, may not work for another, it's not about the diet, it's about lifestyle changes, portion control is King, and low sugar is Queen, you have to be accountable, and you have to move. Those are the basics, From there your build, so today I start building!

This morning I had 2 eggs and 2 pieces of bacon, took my vitamins and a large glass of water. I had 1/2 a grapefruit for my morning snack and a high protein drink. I brought tuna for lunch and I prepared chicken yesterday for my dinners. My brother has joined me and sent me a pep talk email. Yesterday I cut out caffeine and sugar and I thought someone hit me over the head with a mallet last night. Still have the headache, but not as much. But that just goes to show you how even an overeater has to go through withdrawals! I've looked up an Overeaters Anonomyous meeting for tonight, note I said I looked it up, I did not say I would go, just yet!

But, I feel good, I can do this. I did forget to weight myself so I know where I'm starting, so I need to remember to do that tomorrow morning!